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Snow - A Diary
December 8:
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat
for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering ever inch of landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole
World? Moving here was the best idea I had. Shoveled
for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the
sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so i got to
shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow , lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to *20 . The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by
shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
the snow plow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize that I would have to
do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff
so much.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a
wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. After all, we aren't in Alaska.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I thought was very
cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day.
Freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a
neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower
and they're out. Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying too.
December 22:
Bob was right about the white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white crap fell today, and its so cold it
probably wont melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to
get all dressed up and go to out to shovel then I had
to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire
Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk
is lying again.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this
morning. What is she...... NUTS?!?! Why didn't she tell
me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's damn well lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard today by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever
catch the Son of a Bitch who drives the snowplow, I'll
drag him though the snow by his balls. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street. Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin'
snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
blood boil. God I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver
came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
head with my shovel. The Wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch
"It's a Wonderful Life" one more time. I'm going to
kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -50 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -30. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went
home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
Shoveling!!
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like. There is NO LUCK attached.
If you delete this, it's okay: Nobody's luck is dependent On E-Mail.
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